Overcoming The Fear Of Being Alone

Two things happen when a man finds himself alone in his own company:

  1. A force inside him awakens, but he doesn’t understand it and he confuses it with loneliness or boredom. He might decide to watch a movie, Invite a friend over, or go out.

But the question is why can’t he be alone or find pleasure in his own company?

This has nothing do to with the need for human connection, but it has a lot to do with being uncomfortable with being alone.

And that’s where any man self-examines himself through a series of doubts and questioning of his lifestyle and character.

We all hate reality somehow, that’s why we love escape-activities because they help us forget our own reality.

Most people camouflage this fear with rationales like, “I love being around people.” or “I’m an outdoor person.” But the truth is that the majority of us feel so complete in the company of others because our own company feels more like a foreign country in another planet.

I’m telling you, people cry miserably when they are alone. The same confident, charismatic, and social people you see in public are miserable behind closed doors.

Don’t be fooled…

2. He connects with the force and he becomes self-aware and he now begins to question his lifestyle and all the people that surround him.

Do they have his best interests? Is this the kind of life he really wants? Is that who he is or who he desires to be?

It’s these types of questions that leads a man to the path that holds the answers he seeks, only if he resists the urges and temptations to escape and acknowledge the voice that’s asking all these questions.

If he dives deep enough, with time he will develop a profound interest in being by himself, and he will often want to be alone to figure things out without anyone destructing him.

In that way he will overcome the fear of being alone and realize that he learned not to be alone.

We learn not to be alone

I know we are social creatures—but we are also creatures of incredible abilities, unlimited possibilities, and we often push the limits.

So why is it impossible to be alone when it’s necessary?

It’s because:

  • No one wants to be different in way that isolates them from society or categorizes them as weird. That’s why we try to be nice and cool. We seek out cool friends so that we may be seen in a positive light.
  • No one wants to get rejected or be disliked. We do our best to maintain a certain image, behavior or reputation to soothe, please and accommodate— we do all this things because we all want to be part of something—we want to belong.

The fear of being alone is learned, and it can be unlearned because anything is possible.

You have to take it upon yourself to unlearn the social behaviors that cause dependence and reliance on a social cycle.

If you can’t handle being alone then you have a social addiction and it makes it difficult for you to enjoy your life, and your own company.

If you want to enjoy your own company, be pro-active.

Just look at Facebook for proof, people are always online checking how many likes they’ve got on a post like: “feeling blessed.”

How pro-active is that?

There are good people, people who have your best interest, but these people don’t just show up, and you can’t hunt them down either, but you certainly can attract them.

Attract the right people

To attract the right people, you got to stop searching for them. There are a lot of actors and actresses out there and they are nothing but orchestrated characters.

You have to first become the right person before you can attract the right people.

For example, if you’re a man who feels sorry for himself, then you will attract people who will only offer you pity while they mock you behind your back.

They will feel sorry for you and laugh at you when you are not looking, and they will do their best to avoid you if they can’t benefit something from you.

If you are a lone badass, people will get excited when they see you, they will want to be around you, and they will wonder what you’re up to because all they can think of is you being out there kicking ass and doing what you do—being a badass.

People don’t feel pity for a brave and strong man, instead his presence makes them feel safe and it makes them want to have him around because they draw strength from his presence, and many wish they were like him.

Most popular people are really loners, but you won’t be able to notice that because they are always surrounded by people.

But deep down they don’t give a fuck who is around because they are OK with being by themselves.

They will come to you

A lot of self-help gurus will encourage you to put yourself out there and start running your mouth, but I advice you not to, it’s called the law of attraction for a reason, meaning they notice you first, then they come to you.

I’ll give you an example, I normally work out alone at the gym, so one day I decided to put myself out there and meet new people, and I did just that.

So I met two guys who were my age and they were all friendly and cool and we became gym partners. Long story short, we fell out even though we never had an argument, and I later discovered that the whole friendship was fake.

A few months later a guy walked up to me while I was lifting, and he said, “I see we lift about the same weights, can I be your gym partner?” I agreed though I was reluctant. Now it’s almost three months and we still lift together.

We don’t text each other or call but yet we show up on time and that’s all that matters.

The law of attraction states: “whatever you’re looking for it’s already looking for you.”

And the two experiences I had prove this. I’m not saying you should not interact with people, but do not seek out people, when you are out there, just have fun do what you do without expecting anything in return.

You mindset will do the work.

You attract what you think

There are no right or wrong people, there are only like-minded people: you attract what you are.

“But I’ve seen good people attract bad people, I disagree.”

Being good and kind on the outside has no effect on the law of attraction. The law of attraction only cares about what’s on your mind and feelings.

Yes, those people were good people but their mindset attracted all those bad people.

Reality never lies, what you see is exactly what it “is.” the outcome is the receipt.

People do things to get approval, and it always backfires and bites them in the ass.

Stop seeking approval

There’s a man I used to admire and respect, and I wanted to be like him so bad that I would seek approval from him. I remember how good I felt when he would approve of an idea I came up with or something I did.

But years later I discovered he was no what he preached, he was worse than the boy I was decades ago when I met him. I learned that he was just a scared and confused old man who didn’t have a single ball in his nut sack.

Not only did I found out he was faking it, but I got to see him in countless situations where he was clueless and couldn’t solve problems that I would have solved in a quickie 10 years back—I still appreciate him though.

The moral of this story is to show you how destructive seeking approval can be.  You might think they got their shit together and you are learning from the best, but in reality, you are the one who got it and they’re indirectly learning from you.

Sometimes you got to follow and trust your guts, and if they’re wrong, then it doesn’t matter because it could have been worse, you could have followed a spineless man to a death-trap.

And that’s the foolish way of sabotaging yourself.

Avoid self-sabotage

The notion of thinking you are not perfect is the cause of self-sabotage.

Where is all that “I’m not perfect” bullshit coming from anyway?

It’s this mentality that makes you regret petty shit that you just had to let slide.

Man… I used to make a big deal out of petty things because I felt that I could have done things differently because somehow, I thought I didn’t act right in certain situations– More especially with women.

I now realize that all those mistakes or “imperfections” were lessons meant for growth whether it be win or lose

You have a nature, and it is part of your nature to mess up and that’s how you learn.

You are perfectly blood and flesh and you have a brain… And that makes you perfect.

Stop fixing yourself and improve yourself.

If you can’t embrace the failures then you might as well as not attempt to change or improve yourself.

Be productive

Inactivity is a hell-hole, it causes problems and it fucks with your mind because the mind is a moving machine and it needs direction.

Focusing on your work keeps the mind fully occupied with what you’re currently doing.

If you’re just chilling and doing nothing most of your time, your mind will get out of line and start fucking with you, which will cause you to turn on the TV and start flipping channels, and if that doesn’t entertain you enough, then it becomes yet another problem.

You cannot fully control your mind, but you can lead and direct your mind through productive activities.

For example, a musician might be in the studio recording and think of something else outside the music, but the good thing is, his mind will more likely be occupied with music, and as an artist, the musician will often redirect the mind to the activity at hand from time to time when the mind starts to drift away.

This is how productivity can help you with managing the mind and using it productively to create something that benefit you, rather than letting it run on auto-pilot and get out of control.

We all get lonely at times, but it doesn’t mean we are lonely if we are productive.

The loneliest people are the unproductive ones, they don’t feel lonely on occasion, they are always lonely because they lack activity.

They either have nothing to do or they do, but they let their minds drift away for a lengthy period of time and they lose momentum in the activity, and then they quit.

Don’t be like that, be pro-active and let your time count for something…

Until next time…

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