Confidence is build from experience—period!
But the question is, “what kind of experience?”
Is it achievement, wealth, or success with women?
Maybe, maybe not…
Being successful can boost your level of confidence, but it should never be the only source you derive confidence from—never rely on anything that comes and goes.
True confidence develops subconsciously when you stop giving a shit, and it won’t matter whether you have or not, or whether you lose or win—you just go for it.
Having that kind of attitude eliminates anxiety and low self-esteem issues.
When you have nothing to lose, nothing matters to you, and rejection and failure won’t cause you to lose your confidence.
There are guys who are bums and they have nothing going for themselves, but they don’t view themselves as failures, that’s why they manage to attract wealthy, if not attractive women because they have that kind of confidence.
That confidence is built by the subconscious mind through the information it gathers from a man’s views and feelings about his experiences and the results he gets.
You have to change your mentality when it comes to how you view and process failure, and how you view yourself in general.
Whatever you want in life, you will never get it, even if you manage to get hold of it, you probably won’t get the best of it if you care too much about it.
Where do you think anxiety comes from?
Behind anxiety, there are layers of attachments and expectations. It’s easy to move interact when you have no expectations and attachments.
You are not struggling with confidence, but you are troubled by your attachments and expectations. When you are empty of attachments and expectations, nothing moves you, and nothing frightens you—you are solid.
When you’re free from attachments and expectations, hope vanishes, and you become bold.
You have that chance to start a new journey today, and you have what it takes to be confident.
The one thing that kills your confidence
Surrounding yourself with negative people is the quickest way to kill your confidence.
Personal growth is a threat to anyone benefiting from your weaknesses. When you change, you force the people you associate with to either change or stay behind, and no one wants to feel left behind.
Turning your life around requires you to change your attitude and the people in your cycle.
Keeping the same individuals who are used to associating with your old-self will hinder your confidence and growth. Chances are, most of those individuals will have a hard time accepting the change they see in you.
Negative people have a hard recognizing and acknowledging confidence, not that they are hating on confident people, but they just don’t get it. They have this idea that confident behavior is for rich people, and they don’t believe in self-improvement.
With that said, the following topics won’t help you if you surround yourself with such people.
How your subconscious generate confidence
Your subconscious mind is a character building machine. It collects information from your thoughts, feelings, and actions.
After that, it combines all that information on how you view and feel about your experiences, and it updates and returns the results that will reflect through your overall behavior and progress.
It will search to see if it can find proof (your actions) to validate or deny any statement that comes from your mind.
When your actions prove something to be true, your subconscious will treat any thought, doubt, or belief that’s not true as spam.
If you do something, it won’t matter whether you fail or whether have doubts or not, but your attitude is what counts in times of failure. If you fail, but remain calm and content with the fact that you did your best, your subconscious will register that as success because it is always looking to see how you feel about your actions and the results.
Not only should you take action, but you should be careful of how you view and feel about the experiences and the results. Your subconscious is only concerned about how you process the experiences and the results.
It doesn’t know how to differentiate failure and success, it relies on the way you view and feel about your experiences and the results, and that’s how it determines failure or success—it’s all on how you view and feel about any situation.
When you try something and fail, you will either feel good or bad about the experience. If you feel good about trying and learn from that failure, then your subconscious processes that information as some sort of achievement and something positive.
That’s why you have to focus on the positive side of every negative experience and view that experience as a form of achievement even if you fail because you always learn something from failure—that’s the benefit.
You might have failed to achieve that goal, but you succeeded in taking action and discovering the lesson.
Viewing failure as achievement
It’s easy to feel good when you succeed, but it’s hard to feel good when you experience failure.
Your subconscious plays a major role when it comes to building your confidence, and it relies heavily on your views, feelings, and actions.
Failing to value the lessons and experiences you get from failure is the ultimate failure, and a way of decreasing your level of confidence.
Your confidence will increase tremendously when you don’t take failure as something personal, but viewing it as an achievement instead… because it is.
“How is failure an achievement?”
Failure is an achievement because it teaches you lessons that cannot be taught, but can only be experienced.
Taking action is a way to gain unique experience.
“Experience” grows from unique lessons learnt from the failures that take place in various stages of any endeavor.
I can teach you how to do something, but I cannot give you the unique lessons and experiences—that’s all on you!
Gaining experience should be your highest priority in anything you want to accomplish—not the results.
Whether you fail or succeed, it is still an achievement because there’s always something valuable to gain: “experience.”
Appreciate the lessons, and continue learning and never stop.
Why positive thinking doesn’t work
Positive thinking can do a lot for you if you go about it the right way.
I see so many people using positive thinking as a substitute for action, that’s why it never works in the first place.
Positive thinking is not the cake, but simply part of the recipe…
You gain experience every time you take action, but you also need to add a positive mindset to every action you take.
Positive thinking counts when you apply it in the heat of action, and action also counts in the moments of positive thinking—either way, it works.
Confidence doesn’t only come from success alone. Your failures contribute more than your successes.
For this reason, you should always keep in mind that failing doesn’t mean you lost because you always gain bits of lessons that will become the experiences that builds you into a confident man.
How to apply affirmations
Most people don’t want to do the work it takes to become confident, and therefore, they resort to affirmations as a way to avoid taking action.
Affirmations are pointless without action.
It is more effective to use affirmations to motivate yourself to push in the heat of action, in those moments when you feel like quitting.
It’s a waste of time to affirm, “I’m powerful”, or “I’m confident” when you can’t prove it to your subconscious mind with your actions.
For example, say you are running, and your goal is to run a certain distance, say five miles, it is necessary to pull out your affirmations because when your lungs start burning and legs get tired, something in your mind will tell you to stop, and that’s where affirmations really matter.
It is really pointless to affirm that you can run five miles while you’re sipping your coke on the couch. There are physical challenges that body will have to endure that the mind can’t even contemplate.
The mind can only perceive and keep records of the feelings and challenges of any experience, but it can never perform the task needed to prove what you affirm.
Powerful men are powerful because of their actions, not the things mumble in their heads.
Take action and then… affirm!
Why it is necessary to fail
Failure is necessary for growth. You can’t achieve great things without failing, and you cannot grow without making mistakes.
No matter how power your affirmations are, or how much you take action: you will fail and make mistakes.
Avoiding action because of the fear of failure is the cause of low self-confidence, and no affirmation can save you from that. You have to accept that you will fail, but don’t accept failure as a loss or something to beat yourself over.
There’s always another opportunity to try again as long as you live, but there won’t be spare body or another life for you to try again after you die
It’s not a matter of life or death, but it’s about making the most of that one body, that one life you have.
“Proof” is all your subconscious needs to play its part in building and transforming you into that confident man you want to become.
Most of the experiences that shaped me into the man I am, where there ones where I failed terribly and made mistakes.
And at that time, I didn’t realize that those mistakes were guiding and shaping me into the man I wanted to be.
Mistakes are nothing but stepping stones to greatness.
Give yourself the freedom to make mistakes, though, this doesn’t imply that you do dumb shit deliberately; instead, you do your best and learn from whatever happens after.
Take action knowing that you will make a lot of mistakes so that when you do mess up, you don’t beat yourself up, but only take the lessons and improve.
Figure out what you are doing wrong, and try again and again until you get it right.
To be continued…